Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What do I do with my time?

My humblest apologies to those who have watched my creative journey and wondered about my art and why I never post on here. You would think that I have all the time in the world. My children are all grown up and I've pretty well "trained" my husband to take care of himself. He cooks, he cleans, he even does laundry. So what am I doing and why do I avoid doing the very things I love. I definitely need to work on that.

I think it goes back to some old training from childhood which tells my brain "if it feels good, it must be wrong." I grew up with the mentality that work for women is cooking and cleaning and taking care of everyone else. I have also been told that art is play and play is for children. So how do I get out of this pattern of putting off my art, unless every other thing in my life is in perfect balance. I will NEVER have the house clean enough  and all the errands done. The other BIG issue is that unless I'm making money, it is not valid for me to do art. In recent times art has not been a big seller. Just one more reason not to do what I love.

Intellectually I know that the creating is important, but that inner voice keeps yelling at me to do other things. I think it may be time to tell that inner voice to "SHUT UP"! I'm definitely goint to work on that. That little voice in my head can be pretty mean sometimes. I need to dig deeper to another voice that cares about me and my dreams and all that I seek. I have been working very hard recently on two words: "Healing and Love." I am trying to learn to love myself in a healthy way and I believe through love, I can heal many old wounds and any new ones as well.
So for now that's where I am. I haven't stopped making art, but I have been through a bit of a dark period. I did create what I'll call a breakthrough piece that was accepted into the VAE's Unfettered show. So I am moving forward and getting excited to see what's next.

No comments:

Post a Comment